2009. Northbrooks secondary, 3gracious1;

Tuesday, April 7, 2009 Y

Mr Chua's ENGLISH LESSON (:

Original Story:

It was close to midnight.
John went to the pub to have fun.
He went there with his friends.
When he reached there, he wanted to dance.
He became really high.
There were many couples closely embracing each other.
He danced very well.
He danced to the beat of the music.
His admirer went up to him and wanted to dance with him but suddenly he saw his ex-girlfriend.
The three of them sat down and drank beer together.
As time passed, his ex-girlfriend got drunk.
They booked a room in a five-star hotel.
At the lobby, he saw his mother with a man he did not know.
His mother asked him, “What are you doing here?”
He answered, “I just wanted to drop my ex-girlfriend in a room.”
When they decided to go to the room, he saw his father with another woman.
They thought that the woman was his father’s mistress but it turned out to be his secretary.
They attended a business meeting so they were seen together.
His father also asked him the same question as his mother.
He ignored his father and went into the room.
He slammed the door and brought a warm towel for his ex-girlfriend.
His ex-girlfriend vomited on him when he was putting the towel on her.
Suddenly, the door opened and he saw his admirer.
She was covered in blood and it shocked him.

Points to Note (from Mr Chua):
1) Make use of what we have learnt today. Be careful not to start any sentences with conjunctions and be careful about how you use pronouns.
2) Take note of your tenses. Using the past tense is always the safest.
3) This story sounds very disjointed right? This is because in such a short passage, there are EIGHT characters (John, ex-girlfriend, admirer, John’s friends, John’s mother, the unidentified man, John’s father, the secretary). In addition, there are THREE settings (pub, lobby, room). Each point is not properly elaborated enough, therefore the feeling that it is a disjointed story. Take note of this when you are writing your essays. If there is something that you are writing for the sake of writing (meaning, the story still makes sense even if I take the paragraph out), I rather you not write it at all. You will just be wasting time and effort writing something that is not needed in the essay.
4) I like the sudden twist in the story (it was quite clever given the amount of time you were given to think about the continuation). Twists in the story make reading interesting, but be careful not to twist the story too much that it becomes unbelievable (e.g. a car suddenly transforming into an aeroplane – like… DUH.).
5) Finally, and most importantly, no writing about ghosts or objectionable material like sex and drugs.

Possible Ideas (on how to improve the story):
1) Expand more on the sights and sounds of the pub. Hadi’s sentence might sound a little sleazy, but I think that he was trying to describe what was happening in the pub and it was a good try!
2) You can try talking more about John’s parents. They both seem to be busy people so could it be because of their busy lifestyles that John frequents pubs instead of spending it with his family?
3) You can even turn this into a love story, about how John still loves his ex-girlfriend therefore taking good care of her and not caring about the admirer.
4) Why was the admirer covered in blood?

yea baby (:

Thursday, January 22, 2009 Y

Why i like obama by WENCHANG.

Firstly, Obama is a dark tanned man who has an oval face and expressive eyes. He is well-groom and muscular. I admire his leadership skills and the confidence. Due to his lack of experience in governing, he undertakes a presidential internship to prove to the people that he has the capabilities to lead the nation and at the same time he gained more knowledge over politics, this shows his passion for knowledge. Integrity is an important factor and I felt that this is shown within Barack Obama He is accommodating and ambitious which makes him a good leader.

yea baby (:

Wednesday, January 21, 2009 Y

Why i like obama by PRATEEP.

Obama’s view of seeing thing is different from many other people.
His experiences about political and war make him appreciate American freedom. He also look at America from different point of view,especially how other countries see USA.
Obama has the abilities to lead the countries out from difficult time.He wants to improve relationship between different races in US and focus on healthcare. He believes government must first make health care affordable before implementing a mandate, this shows that he care for people.

yea baby (:

Why i like obama by DANYANG.

Obama is the first African American to be elected president of the United states. I think almost every African American people are proud of him.

Obama has a short curly hair, bushy eyebrows, bright eyes.

And also I know from his wife’s speech he is a responsible man, he is really hard-working, for me the most important thing is : he is filial and respect his parents. This is the reason I want to marry Obama!!

yea baby (:

Obama is a winner (so am i) by NUR SUIADAH

Obama is the first African American to become the president of the United State.
He has a shinny high forehead which tells me that he is smart and
actually, he is not bald but his hair is extremely short.
He has an oval face shape and a high-bridged nose.
Apart from that, he also has a thick bushy eyebrows and maybe a curly eyelashes.
He is a dark complexion guy with high cheekbones. He also have small brown eyes.
I think, i can be a winner like Obama if i persist in everything that i do. Obama play his part very well in ensuring his country wellness.

yea baby (:

Why would i want to marry obama by CHEN SHUANG.

Every time and every place you can see a confident men. His name is Obama. He is the 44th president of USA . And he is a first black men president in USA. I feel he is very great. He break ice of the problem between white men and black men. I also very respect him. I would marry Obama because he is a confident men,he is a safety men

yea baby (:

Obama is a winner (so am i) by NUR AINI.

He is a winner because he is the first black
African-American President of the
united states of America.
He is very determine and hardworking

to achieve his goal.
I am a winner because i am inspired by him.
His attitude make me realise that determination
and hardwork will promise me success
and a good future.

He is a very well-known and powerful man.
He have an oval shape face with extremely
short hair, high forehead, long bushy eyebrows,
he have crows feet on his eyes a high bridged
nose, a wide smile with shiny white teeth,
high cheekbone and he is tanned.
HE IS HANDSOME!
~WHOO!!!!!

yea baby (: